Written on March 17, 2009
Tired. This is what best describes my state of mind and body now. It has become a norm for me to give my all to work – this is something I discovered about myself of late. I wasn’t like this at all – I was always fond of complaining for not being satisfied with where I was and what I did with my life. But that was past.
These days I’m simply tired. Not of life, in general but rather, for the reason that I don’t give my mind and body enough time to rest. All I did was work and think about many things, face the computer even at home always wanting to find better and more interesting ways to live, to spend my time on.
What makes this worse is when I watch videos of my baby – who, by the way, is growing up fast without us, it makes me sad… that I cry in silence. Yup, when I’m tired, I get extra emotional.
More than a year ago, I never imagined I will be away from my baby. Now, for the past year, we’ve only been together for 30 days, in 3 separate vacation leaves. And the fact that I have an inherent trait of being lukewarm in my relationships with people in general doesn’t make my relationship with my child any different. Sometimes he really doesn’t care if I come home to visit him. It’s since he doesn’t remember me that much. =(
But it’s not that bad actually. Having a child has taught me a lot on love without wanting to measure the love that would be given back. Coz that little one came out of my belly – a product of my sacrifices and labor. Sometimes I can’t believe Raj has become who and what he is now; sometimes I still can’t believe I’ve mothered a child.
I guess that’s one of life’s miracles. A rather sweet miracle. =)
