Where i am is where i wanna be

I am so bursting with so many ideas and sometimes I just ditch them without getting them to come to fruition, with nary a single step ahead after a modest effort. And when boredom pays me a visit (like it regularly does) later, I find myself recovering saved files and reviving the will to continue where I left off. This is turning to be a vicious cycle.

Because I’ve got all the reasons why you and I should love life – and it’s all meant for good lovin’ and sharin’. This is all about the good things in you. The good things that gets you in control.

What makes your day today good/great? What good/great thing(s) have you done this day? For the last couple of months? For the year whose end is about to draw near?

For the first two questions, I asked some friends and here are their answers:

I got a job offer… and my program worked! –– smooth escape

My day is very great today because I have just realized my value as a friend and colleague here in the office. My officemates demonstrated today their support to me. They have given me a very memorable surprise baby shower. –– sha

(1) that i have a job that pays me and looking forward to the end of the day when I will meet up with good friends... (2) smiled... dropped a good word for a friend... encouraged somebody. ­–– fritzie

The only good and great thing is that I have survived another day in a controlled and manipulated society. –– bolas (I swear this person always makes me laugh.)

I completed a level 4 sudoku puzzle. –– guile

Spending my day with nice people. –– martha

you've known me naman, everyday is a great day for me (happy go lucky). well for one thing I’ve learned a new thing or two, no matter how small. I am working and the best of all is I’ve lived my day the way I wanted it. –– jovir

For the first question, everytime my husband goes home in the morning (he’s in night shift) then my baby boy wakes up because he hears his father's voice. For the second, a simple smile that I can share to everyone… –– bench

so far focus ko sa work karon kai naa mi deadline.. i feel great kai grabe kadako sa trabaho ang gihatag sa akoa.. diba moingon man dayon ta nga sus kapoia ani ako team leader oi.. ako man pirmi hasolon.. pero sayop diay na nga attitude.. dako ang gihatag nga work sa imoha kai salig siya nimo... and so far mao na ako nakita sa ako team leader karon sa akoa.. and i feel great nga naay nisalig sa akong skills... –– forrest gump

Haha. Fridays are always great. This day passed quickly but it was a long day still. I accomplished lots of things at work. Later I'm going out with my friends for a coffee date and videoke. =) –– brewed

discovering i have a good talent in writing poem makes my day great; i've written a good poem for today. ahahahahahahaha! bastos man ng balak oi. –– iescarro

Got this from somewhere I cannot remember… De-stressing tips

* Allow yourself some private time each day, even a minimum of a half hour.

Hmm… if possible, I want to get rid of the computer in our room.

* Pray and meditate.

I always do pray… but not meditate.

* Take a long walk. Exercise that relaxes and gives new perspectives

I only take a walk at the mall when I badly need some shopping (grocery shopping included). Otherwise, I go home straight from office.

* Buy a bouquet of flowers for yourself. Or pick one from your garden.

I bought a single rose for myself on Valentine’s day.

* Turn off the phone, and allow your answering machine to pick up your calls. This is a mindsaver.

Hmmm… no answering machine.

* Snuggle up with a good book.

I’ve stopped reading books lately, just articles… mostly online.

* Put on your favorite music. You can even turn it up loud, and dance; if you have toddlers they love this, too.

Aw, I love music. I always sing – that’s one way of putting my little one to sleep.

* Call a friend, and settle in with a hot cup of tea, give yourself time to enjoy the conversation.

Yep, one friend doesn’t approve of my not going out and not rewarding myself from time to time. I’ve always been a homebody, it’s one way of carrying on the old traditions. Neither do I like too much attention nor spending so much by frequent night-outs or dine-outs.

* Run the hot water, pour in bath salts, and luxuriate in your tub for a long, fragrant soak at the end of the day.

Hmmm… no bath tub.

* Indulge in getting (or giving) a massage.

I’m used to getting the traditional massage.

* Fix a little favorite comfort food.

Yep.

* Recall favorite memories, and allow yourself to recreate that feeling with loved ones, or a special moment in your life.

I don’t get to meditate a lot. Maybe I lost ‘it’ somewhere, sometime in the past.

* Write. In your journal, or a love letter to anyone you love, or a poem to express yourself

I used to write a diary on paper. (I think I still have the old ones back at my parents’ home.) I used to write poems, anything else. But I still pitch in my ideas whenever I’m having ‘it’.

* Treat yourself to a trip to the salon, a manicure and a pedicure, a shampoo and styling, nothing too different, maybe, but just for the fun.

Yeah, I do that whenever I feel I have to but nothing fancy. I’m not the kind who invests so much on my looks.

* . Rent a great video. Or better yet, go to the library, and borrow it with some good books

The last vcd I rented was Pretty Woman. Of course, I’ve seen that before. It’s one of those movies that I can watch over and over again.

* New Books! There are times only a Borders or Barnes and Noble store will do! Spend the afternoon, on your own or with a friend.

No more books for the moment. I think I need a new pair of glasses; it’s been a year that I haven’t worn one.

* Start a Blessings journal, and take time for God.

I always take time for God. Nothing has changed and nothing ever will.

* Go outside: to the beach, hike in the park, walk in the neighborhood. Bask in the sunshine, examine the trees and the flowers, make up pictures in the clouds, delight in the day.

I will. Promise.

By the way, here are some photos on the christening of Raj on October 14, 2007 …

More pics here.

Somebody shut off the alarm!

*When Mommy is not happy, no one is happy.
When Mama is not happy, the happiness of the other members in the household is not full.

My husband doesn’t subject himself to changes in mood. He has this grin plastered all over his face that I sometimes find annoying.

* A person who is aroused has no conscience.
What good is a human if he/she cannot control such urges?

* You can’t plant a tree in the morning and expect it to bear fruit the next day.
Yep, yep, I completely agree. That’s why I’m struggling to bear down on my head too much info and tasks for having been handed down the responsibility of debugging an entire application.

And yep, I’m pressed for time. But, relax, Syve! You’ll get used to this; you’ll see how this will benefit you in the long run.

* Leave a tender moment alone.
No, I’m not having a tender moment. I’m furious right now. Furious that I’ve thrown myself into disarray over numerous moments of hesitation.

* To be good at something, you must be willing to be bad at it.
Yup, I’ll be seeing me when I get there.

* Sometimes it is better to be sorry than safe.
I never regretted having a baby ‘cause we got married after we learned about my condition. (We’ve wanted that all along.)

* Wanna feel abundance with just 10 dollars? Give it away!
We’re not talking dollars here, but, yeah, I do that whenever I’m truly moved.

Reference: More Practical Wisdom (article by Jim Paredes)

Random Question One

I have this idea of getting people’s insights or answers about a random question. For now, I have my friends and husband as the initial respondents. Hopefully, there would be more as I try to be bolder in asking questions such as this to strangers a la reporter.

----*----

Question: Why do you have to leave? (First of n Parts)

I have to leave because I want to make a new beginning. –– sha, technical writer

Because staying won't do you any good anymore. –– Guile, indie musician

Better opportunities for growth... I felt I have given my contribution and it's time to move on. –– fritzie, full-time fashionista

Coz i need to move on... –– GiN, HR - Employee Engagement Assistant, Accenture

I left because I'm off to something not here. –– iescarro

"I have to leave in order to survive." –– senshi

Direct to the point... money... dako sweldo diri (japan) –– ForrestGump

Because I’m no longer happy. –– smooth escape

Kay sick. Sayang ang sick leave dili ma convert. –– anonymous

Mu-leave ko kay feeling nako wa nako gi-value... so balhin nalang ko kung asa ko i-value. –– martha

I have to leave because I'm not happy anymore and I don't find it healthy for me. I don't want to work with you anymore and I feel that I should be doing other things than this. It's time to think of myself this time, my dreams, my future. –– brewed

Leave for me is a time where I can relax and spend time with my family. –– Reginald

First and foremost, it’s the pursuit of happiness. And to heed the call for adventure and growth. –– anonymous

(job) = greener pasture; (place) = unsafe; (relationship) = doesn't work out; (game) = tired/sleepy -- Mark

----*----

So there! I could have waited for more answers from other friends but I was so eager to publish this post. To those who replied, thank you for your time. More to come of this sort.

Want to reply to this question? Please email me at syvesuma@gmail.com so I could publish your answers next time. Thank you.

Have I gone what???

Part 1

I don’t remember how it started.

It got worse when he didn’t insist to take me back to the hospital room. Just as I would not stress my need for company, so neither would I care about how important it is for him to leave.

So I took the elevator by myself and stepped out hoping for things to get better, as they always did. I just guessed it would take time for me to stabilize. And I was trying to convince myself that maybe it was good riddance for the moment.

Until I was growing aware of someone’s “stare”. Scary, was the first thing that came to my mind. I looked back and was surprised to see that it was that person from the psychiatric ward. Er, what was he doing here trailing me? That gave me the creeps, as I took hurried steps.

No, my mind was not playing a trick on me. I swear I know where he came from ‘cause I’ve been in the room once –– no, not as a patient in the same category. But still I couldn’t bring myself to believe that it could get worse.

So much for positive thoughts.

Because I moved further and found myself in a company of a whole bunch of familiar faces –– all from the same ward. Huwaahhh!!! Have I gone MAD??? Have I become one of them without me realizing what happened?

Dazed, I screamed in terror.

Part 2

A woman came up and assured me that I was just in the wrong floor of the hospital building. Later, I recognized her from the room next door.

She was kind enough to take me to where I should be –– for women who had babies. I came around glad to see my parents, who were waiting for my return all along.

Now… what was that???

I woke up with that exact question in mind.

New Look!

Hey! Check this out.

Thank you to my sponsors: Bourjois for my eyeshadow, marcara, lip gloss and blush on; to Orange Blossom for my headwear; Blue Nile for my necklace; Nordstrom for my earrings. Haha!! Lastly, thank you to MakeoverSolutions.com for whipping up a new look for me.

Wow, there's nothing like a virtual makeover.

My Market Research

I am currently expanding my interest in business (particularly low-capital ventures). The following are some of the business insights I got from my online research.

There has been a significant growth for non-grocery retailers in the country, particularly health and beauty retailers and clothing and footwear retailers. This can be accounted to the increasing consumer sophistication (the growing number of urban middle class), and the growing number of shopping malls.

However, cheaper products from China, Korea and Hong Kong among others prove to be major competitors of the local brands. Not to mention the ever-popular Ukay-ukay.

“With most Filipinos still belonging to lower- to middle-income groups, their low disposable income renders them to still focus their spending on daily necessary items, classified under grocery products. Nevertheless, the rise of non-grocery retailers continued in 2005, although still not strongly enough to unseat the dominance of grocery retailers.” (Source here).

Fast food still leads in consumer foodservice. Of course, Jollibee Foods Corp. immediately comes to mind. We can also notice the growing number of cafés/bars. Still the continued development of shopping malls contributes to the growth of these establishments.

The large population, which is concentrated in the urban areas (specifically Manila, Cebu, Davao, Cagayan de Oro) and the intense economic activity provide franchising opportunities in both food and non-food sectors.

Meanwhile, the Internet has provided numerous business opportunities for local entrepreneurs in the Philippines. As of 2004, Internet users in the country reached 7,820,000, according to Computer Industry Almanac. The wide range of businesses and entrepreneurs are able to generate new revenues and build customer networks through online services.

The telecommunications industry proves to be a very promising sector, particularly the cellular mobile telecom services (CMTS). This is again owing to the country’s rapidly expanding middle class. According to an online source, in 2004, the total number of CMTS subscribers reached 34% or over 30.2 million.

On the agriculture sector, where the Philippine economy is largely based, the stable food crops are rice, corn, and kamote (sweet potatoes). Other key crops include coconuts, fruits and vegetables, sugar, tobacco, and abaca.

(Reposted from my Friendster blog)

Three Tres Test 2 (others repeated)

three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. photographer
2. interior/landscape designer
3. bum :P

three celeb crushes:
1. kristen kreuk (hmm… if I’m going to have a baby girl... :P)
2. hugh grant (more of the sense of hugh-mor)
3. jennifer aniston, rhian ramos, keira knightly (fab figures and beautiful faces)
three plus: I love luke mably in the movie the prince & me 1 (don’t know in other movies)

three of your favorite musical artists:
1. the beatles (most people tell me they’re great but I grew up not knowing them as a band)
2. mariah carey
3. I am so into music, so can’t have just a few favorites.

three of your favorite songs:
1. even the type changes to agree with my prevailing psychological state
2. anything for my baby’s listening pleasure
3. I am so into music, so can’t have just a few favorites.

three places you want to go on vacation:
1. japan
2. overnight at a beautiful beach anywhere in the Philippines
3. hmmm…

the perfect weekend getaway:

1. overnight at the beach

2. enjoying massages at the spa

3. a trip to beautiful places I’ve never been to

a lot more!!!

Rants Are Us: DDIIFFAA

Don’t look at me as if you don’t recognize my value; it makes me appreciate myself less.

Don’t flatter me with your interest if you cannot stand up for me all the way.

I am impatient.

I am disillusioned, indecent. Take my cue.

Feed my soul.

Fire me up.

Alas, I am pretty but pretty tense.

And I am still waiting round the bend.

Hello?!

Hello! If you’re looking for someone who can say though he/she is not entirely content but HAPPY nevertheless (very happy, indeed), count me in.

I credit a lot of this feeling to my husband with whom I create a relationship of such quality. I’m not saying you should start your own family and have a baby because that, too, is something that you can plan but not make happen all by yourself.

It all boils down to how we uphold life’s beauties while being bound by our duties.

I appreciate whoever coined this: “Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect. It just means you’ve decided to see life beyond the imperfections. So don’t say you’re happy ‘cause everything’s alright. Be happy ‘cause everything sucks but you’re doing fine!!!”

My Raj...

Nice Article: Action is the antidote to fear

Have you ever noticed how much bigger our fears often are than reality? They take on monstrous proportions, keeping us stuck in place when we really want to be moving forward. Then when we finally start taking steps towards whatever it is we fear we say, "Oh, that wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought. Why didn't I do that sooner?!"

In my article in Worthwhile magazine, The F Word, one of the things I talk about as an antidote to fear is action. It never ceases to amaze me how starting to take steps towards something is like letting the air out of a big fear balloon (complete with ppphhhhhtt sound effects - but maybe that's just in my head).

So much of fear's energy comes when you're in stasis. When you're sitting there and staring at the thing you fear, the energy behind that fear builds and builds. It's like a pressure cooker - the pressure builds and builds. When you start taking steps you create a release valve for that fear.

Some of that release comes by equalizing the pressure inside and out. The intensity of the fear was never in line with reality. Part of it comes because taking action and seeing success - even in small steps - builds your confidence to do even more. And part of it comes because taking steps brings you further down the path. What was unknown becomes known.

So what step can you take today? And then tomorrow? And then next week?

Article reposted from here.

Today's Scope: September 4, 2007

Your mind should be working overtime today, dear Leo, as new information and new ideas come to you thick and fast. You might want to use what you're learning in projects of your own, perhaps writing or painting. You might also want to spend some time telling stories to children. Opportunities to participate in exciting new enterprises could provide possibilities for advancement and for an increase in your income. Make the most of it all!

La lang. :)

Three Tres Test

Got this idea from Bianca’s blog.

three names you go by:
1. syve
2. ves (my nickname back at hometown)
3. syvs/syves/syvz

three screen names you have had (ok, I’d prefer three names I used when I was working as a call center agent):
1. monica (my fave character in Friends)
2. jamie (inspired by mandy’s character in A Walk to Remember)
3. forgot the rest

three physical things you like about yourself:
1. lips
2. eyes
3. nose
three plus: body-build – with height and weight in just-right proportions

three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. feet
2. legs
3. skin type (no big deal actually; i’m not that vain.)

three parts of your heritage:
1. filipino
2. indonesian
3. indian (aha!)

three things that scare you:
1. losing my loved ones
2. my loved ones being wrongfully or legally accused
3. being helpless or dying when I still have obligations to fulfill (a moment of drama)

three of your everyday essentials:
1. computer (for its multiple functionality)
2. anti-stress vitamins (need one coz I have multiple duties now)
3. cellphone (for obvious practical reasons)

three things you want in a relationship:
1. high respect for family and commitment
2. genuine affection
3. openness to try new things together (wholesome ni ha!)

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. eyes
2. nose
3. height (at least taller than me)
three plus: voice (not in the physical category, though)

three of your favorite hobbies:
1. grocery shopping
2. writing (once I’m into it)
3. videoke (hehehe)

three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. my bath times take long.
2. i like wearing my hair pretty.
3. i cry easily when I feel slighted by my loved ones. (unsaon, spoiled!)
three plus: I want to rekindle the “kilig factor” in a relationship time and again.

three things you want to do really badly now:
1. work in a bigger company
2. get better pay
3. be inspired again at work

three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. songwriter
2. singer-actress (and the big bucks – I wish!)
3. pre-school teacher

three celeb crushes:
1. there was a time that I really liked Val Kilmer.. haven’t seen him in quite a while
2. matt damon (caught by the Bourne bug)
3. anne curtis, angel locsin (killer bodies! haha!!)

(to be continued)

THESE THINGS I LEARNED First Part

These things I learned/noticed/observed firsthand in my journey into motherhood:

1. I didn’t know labor and delivery could be insanely painful. Dili jud lalim!

Of course it didn’t help that my doctor said I had a “slight” hemorrhoids (medical people, forgive my description if there is nothing as such). Lami man gud ng hot and spicy oi!

2. One cannot accurately predict the baby’s gender based on general physical appearance.

Everyone was saying I was having a girl, even Karl did. The second ultrasound report didn’t tell the baby’s gender. Only my sister and I wanted to go against common conception, out of ardent desire for a male in our family besides my father.

That desire was buried deep into my subconscious that I dreamed of delivering a baby boy thrice! But I wasn’t about to make any firm statement or lay a wager on it. I was afraid that my mother’s instinct would be wrong (Oh, how many times didn’t I listen to it!).

So when a boy finally forced his way out of me after what felt like a struggle of eternity, it felt surreal that I just stared at the baby – no emotions at all. (But then again, how can one register an emotion when she is too weak and at some point, felt like about to die?)

No, I don’t think labor pains take some getting used to.

3. Breasts are for breastfeeding, regardless of size.

Breastfeeding can be initially sore and painful (believe me, I’ve shed some tears on this!) but at the same time, refusal to nurse your baby could send your body temperature at a feverish pitch.

4. It’s normal for infants to respond to the slightest sound or movement.

I swear, this one can be truly amusing! One of the peculiar joys of a mother (and to onlookers).

We didn't have younger ones in the family, never even carried a baby in my arms before for more than 3 minutes!

Well, well… so much to learn. Until next time!

Aziraj Kent (Raj)

What's Your Guess?

Did the feeling of disappointment come bubbling up to the surface when I learned that my second ultrasound report fail to reveal my baby’s gender? Well, honestly, I didn’t expect to know before that. (Not that I didn’t want to know altogether.)

I am probably experiencing a hormonal change of tune right now, or whatever this is that has become typical of me these days. A week ago I was trying to sort myself out of depression, which was halted when my husband’s family came over for a double family celebration.

And now since they’ve left, it kind of left me largely cold and deserted. So here goes my reliving depressing thoughts and wanting to go home. But where is home for me now? Is it not my new family? Have I been all by myself for a long time that I've gotten so used to this?

Or maybe this persists because of my refusal to acknowledge that we all go through this feeling. Hopefully, putting it into writing makes it eventually disappear. Apparently, I’ve had a few self-absorbed moments too many. Much of what I learned from my mistakes in the past still need to lend themselves well as I continue to try to thrust myself out of the comfortable and familiar.

I’m still very much out of vogue.

And with this train of thoughts, I may not be able to stand not seeing Karl even for just a day – him being a real source of inspiration. I know sometimes I’ve got to focus on my top priorities to keep myself happy and grounded.

Break

Concentration may not come easily to me right now, but I want to write down things as honestly as I need to be, while navigating through windows on my PC. Some petty things make me sad – even depressed these days. It’s something past the hormones.

Very recently, I learned about something that failed to register as it should. A serious lack of compassion – yup, sometimes I am capable of exhibiting just that. I’ve acquired a mechanism to shield myself from hurt and damaging stuff even as a child, hence my failure to respond effectively to interpersonal matters on occasions. But still that qualifies me for atypical sentimentality.

Maybe it’s the variety of songs that I’m currently playing. Now I’m back to my starting point. Off I go.

You Rock My World

It’s been days that I’m having the serious condition of discomfort, particularly in my belly – that aside from the fact that the baby has grown heavier each day. It has been taking time to leave the house while constantly trying to assess my body’s condition, if I can make it to travel and through work until 6 pm.

Thank God my sister has come to the rescue, bringing someone along who would take care of my needs. As usual, she has been my Knight in Shining Armour. I have been sick for more than two weeks, mostly caused by the growing unease of my delicate state. I’m having difficulty even in sleep. And now, despite everything, I’m so thankful and happy that I can finally relax at home and that we (my baby and I) are gaining more strength.

Sometimes, I’m really scared of what’s happening to me and my body. It’s treading unfamiliar grounds and it’s definitely something outside my comfort zone. Sometimes the fear prevents me from seeing things with the proper perspective, from celebrating the joys of pregnancy. But I’ve never been the one to be resigned to the idea that life is difficult just because I am having momentary difficulties.

Whereas nature intended to spoil pregnant women and babies, I’m far from the ideal weight – yup, my baby needs help because Mama is not that well. But still, everything’s gonna be alright. Rock ta bai!

Appreciative

When I initially tried to write this, I was so sleepy without cure that I ended up doing nothing at all that’s work-related. Two days later, I’m still as disorganized. Sometimes doing my weekday routine of waking up early to feed our appetites (mine and my baby’s) though I slept late the night before makes me exhausted. But for a change, it’s about doing something that’s way beyond oneself. I’ve always loved opportunities of those kinds.

I think of those people who take their jobs to heart so much against those who rarely feel responsible, much less commit, to their works. Sometimes I find myself falling somewhere in between. But I’m keeping track of that aspect of my life.

Lately, I’ve grown more interested in the things that are practical. Things that are involving less of the emotions and more of the real exchange of value between two people – especially that of husband and wife and of mother and child. Yup, being married changes a lot of things.

Surprises have come my way in various ways. Our month-old marriage continues to unveil wonders of beauty and duty. I must say I did not read and know much about all these; I do things as I feel. I may be playing it safe in other domains (for one, the social sphere) most of the time, but we all have our own ways of making a mark in this world.

To quote a few of the lines from one of my favorite classics:
* You will be beautiful or ugly, wise or ignorant, fortunate or unfortunate, according to what use you make of yourself here and now.
* Some harvests are longer in growing than others, but they all grow in time.

Spent Too Much Time Thinking of You - December 28, 2006

to Karl's side are my parents.. to my side are his..

Celeb look-alikes