The Day He Said Goodbye

One time, Karl went home to his parents and to this day, I don’t know the reason why. Sometimes he has this habit of answering you with, “Wala lang” probably in his attempt at keeping some things to himself. And sometimes I choose not to go beyond the line. I don’t know, I have this feeling that he might have had enough of me that he wants space, if only for a while. And it even comes to my “luoran” point that I could say the infamous words, “Hell, yeah! I am not your partner; I am just your wife.” Pathetic as it may seem.

But, honestly, when I first heard of his plan, angry silence wasn’t the right description of how I felt. I felt betrayed. Thoughts raged in my head like, does he want to relieve himself from fatherly duties for a while? Does he feel he has had too much of a load playing dual roles when he’s awake for work late at night? You know, sometimes, when I’m really tired, I need to recharge… even for just a few hours.

And yeah, who’s complaining now? And to mention one of the least, did he have to contend the pains over being unable to breastfeed because I am away tugging with my PC? But being me, sometimes silence is my best cover lest I say things that should have been better left unsaid.

But still I cried when it was time for him to go. We’ve been almost inseparable since we got married (and even before that). Mingaw kaau oi.

Still this experience smacks reality in the face.

I was actually glad he was gone for a while! The evenings just weren't the same. I was happy to have the bed to me and my baby (Raj used to sleep in our midst). It was comfortable to surf the internet and check my e-mails alone, no pressure of company to limit my usage of the PC. Raj was hassle-free, too, perhaps sensing my comfy high. Now, I do appreciate some time apart. Although between us, I am least likely to be discharged of my motherly duties. But then again, I can’t probably live a night without my baby at an arms length or two.

I got this beautiful statement from a website:

“Part of me is happy that I get to breath for a day and know that I am breathing for me. That the steps I take are leading me to where I want to go. And, as much as I love you all, I need a day to escape life. Our life.”

Hurrah to 2007, Hail 2008!

Some things worthy of revelry:

1. Overcoming the anxieties of pregnancy.
2. Conquering the throes of childbirth.
3. Baby's Baptism.
   
4. Celebrating a milestone birthday.
5. Hanging in, regardless.
6. Great family.
7. Good friends.
8. Good health.
9. Good move! (We’ll see.)

On the other hand, here are some feats to achieve:

1. Being a good wife and becoming better still.
2. Raising a smart and confident kid.
3. Learning to love unconditionally.
4. Learning to forgive my worst enemy.
5. Welcoming new people into my life.
6. Finding work I love.
7. Finding a great place to live.
8. To stay optimistic, no matter what.
9. Staying focused.
10. Time management.
11. Earning more than I ever dreamed.
12. To think better, feel better, and look better.
13. To think best, feel best, and look best.
14. To be less self-serving.

A Love Story

I got this idea from here and so here goes our story. Hmmm…

Where and when you met

Actually, we met a few years ago (in college). I don’t remember the exact date, but I was two years his senior in the computer science bachelor’s degree of UP Cebu College. I don’t remember talking to him in school; I just knew who he was and where he’s from.

Where and when you met again 1

It was sometime in 2004, I bumped into him near UP after we had lunch with my officemates then. He encouraged me to apply at NCR. It was just a meeting of no significance between us.

Where and when you met again 2

I came to Cebu on November, 2005 to join this contest portion in the now-defunct comedy TV show on GMA 7. I asked Donnalyn if I could stay at her place for two days and I didn’t know they were housemates then.

Where and when you met again 3

I was applying for programming jobs and was staying at a boarding house in the UP Cebu neighborhood in February 2006, and that’s when we saw each other again. He asked for my number and I obliged – in my mind it was for friendly reasons (clueless as ever). Call it whatever you like but he told me later he hoped to run into me that day.

I’m not sure which meeting came first, but we also bumped into each other at NCR when I applied for software developer position but ended up being offered with another position.

Up to this point, I thought of him more as a younger brother.

Where and when you first kissed

Hmmm… our first hug was more romantic than the kiss. We were at the rooftop of their previous apartment and we were waiting for some stars to shower atop us. But came past midnight and still no sign of meteor rain. Hmmm…

But neither of us wanted to call it a night although it was getting a little cold.

THEN… without warning, CAME the ‘tickling’ sensation. It was like something stroked my hand so lightly enough to cause some stir from within. (Kanang manlimbawot imu balahibo pero dli horror) Or basin hangin lang to (haha!). I told him about it and he was quick to whisper, "Basin ako to". Hoowaah!

Gikilig jud ko ato nga gikigwa. As if by magic, I hugged him tight. Kanang feeling that you both flew into a rage and finally were able to express how you really felt for each other. Sapagkat kami ay tao lamang...

I don’t remember how long we stayed that way.

So much for waiting for the flower to come into its own full blossom (kana ba untang sama sa pagbukad sa bulak sa sayung kabuntagon). Oh yeah!

MABUHAY ang kilig moments!!!

For All the Women Who Have Loved

I just want to make a stand. It appears that I have followed the story between these three celebrities in the Philippines where a baby is closely involved. Maybe I feel strongly for this because –– yup, you guessed it right –– I am a mother, too. And I, too, will do anything to keep my family from falling apart. I may have a personality that contradicts what I usually allow to be seen with.

For those who haven’t been mothers, you have no idea what we had to go through and what we’re going through. That it’s inevitable that we sometimes turn into our inner monster. You have no idea what we are capable of. I have seen this same trait from my mother and, thanks to her, we have remained a family to this day, getting closer and enjoying each other’s company a little more for what little time we now have to get all together.

Sometimes guys can be less assertive (and how I hate it!) and that’s when women should toughen themselves up a bit. I am not the type of woman or person who can be lured with material things; I’m way better than that. My life doesn’t revolve around beauty products, shopping, travels, gadgets –– vanity in itself. I may not know my absolute worth but I know I am made of stuff beyond the superficial.

That’s why I appreciate efforts to be together (read: quality time) and no-matter-how-little efforts to make one feel that he/she is important. Some people may have this difficulty deciding who and what's more important in their lives. Sometimes they tend to forget that it’s family who’ll be there for them the most and they should not take them for granted. Would you appreciate a guy who wouldn’t stand up for you? Yeah, forgive me for saying this, but I’m enduring this. And I’m not loving it.

That’s why I am so buying Carlene Aguilar’s side of the story. She’s a lot braver and more admirable than what she has been given credit for and knowing what she’s fighting for is even the least of the reasons for it.

To be Tagged is a Choice

7 Facts about me:

1. Proud mother!! (Aws, dli jud lalim manganak-- so gotta take pride!)
2. I have a few close friends and though I am easy to get along with, I am a very private person.
3. I initially throw tantrums when I’m tired and I still have to wake up for my baby (hehe).
4. I still have a problem managing my time.
5. I am a homebody.
6. I am a jealous type (I discovered this by chance).
7. Sometimes I don’t say what I really mean, if only to give peace a chance.

My Lifes’ ABCD

A– Age: 27
B– Band Listening to Right Now: All work, no play daw o! At home, Karl always plays Jack Johnson these days, while mine are songs for babies (Beatles for Babies, Elvis for Babies among them)
C– Career: Make it careers. Wife, mother-blogger (hehe), pro-grammar, programmer.
D– Drink or Smoke: Neither. But no closing statement on drinking.
E– Easiest Friends to Talk To: My sister (I’ve never been as close to anyone), Raj (hehe), Karl (depende sa mood, hehe), my officemates (kuwela man gud na sila), college friends, Guile (my corny writer-musician friend.. check out Hastang), blogger mates, Lotlot (though we’re continents apart), some chatmates (I feel close to them even if we haven’t really been together for quite a while or haven’t shared experiences much).
F– Wala lagi??
G– Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: bears
H– Have a Boyfriend: If a boyfriend is a subset of husband, then I do have a boyfriend.
I– In love: Like crazy!
J– Junk Food You Like: Nothing in particular.
K– Kids: Aziraj “Raj/Azzir” Kent Suma-Realiza
L– Longest Ride Ever: On the way home (maximum of 15 hours).
M– ???
N– Names For Your Future Kids: Won’t think of it now; my first baby’s name just came to be as it’s meant to be.
O– One Wish You Have Now: To increase my worth and to prove I’m worthy.
P– Phobias: horror films are no-no’s when I’m alone; people who have lost control over their minds (you know what I mean), losing the ones I love, traps, heights, some insects, snakes… losing my mind.
Q– Favorite Quote: Hmmm… Quote and quote.
R– Reasons to Smile: I have a baby… need I say more? =]
S– Sleeping Time: Should have been as early as I can to catch up on sleep but…
T– Time You Woke up: 6 am.
U– Unknown Fact About You: Make it facts. I am my father's daughter (I can throw a fit like you have no idea). I am funny.
V– Vegetable You Hate: I’m a vegetarian.
W– Worst Habit: Tardiness.
X– X-rays You’ve Had: Chest.
Y– Yummy Foods: Wow, food! Enough said.
Z– Zodiac Sign: LEO

I'm Moving!

At last, I have mustered the courage to hand in my resignation letter and thus, have put an end to this tragidramedy (ok, I just made that up) of indecisiveness. I now have two weeks to complete the tasks that needed finishing touches before I finally wrap up my stay in the company.

Although I must admit I had a great time with the people I have worked with for nearly two years, I have my own issues and the least I can do is wish for the best for those I’ll leave behind. But I have given them a piece of my mind, my heart and soul. I started in the company as my sole self and have changed since then –– have gotten married and then had a baby (or the other way around).

I know I have this tendency to forget this rule (and probably where I came from): Accept what cannot be changed, have the courage to change what can be changed but have the wisdom to know the difference.

But dili nako sila matiis. I just cannot shut myself out from the problems around me just because I am safe and secure. That’s why before I’ll bid a final farewell, I told the management on what I think the problems are with the company. Of course, we all hope for the better, if not for the best.

It’s just that, I believe in them –– but that’s just not enough. A part of me says I should just let things and them be but there’s just a thin line between things that can be and cannot be changed. And you just have to have faith –– in PEOPLE. A line from a movie Armageddon comes to mind and it says, “We’re all gonna die, right? We might as well die saving the world.”

Albeit this doesn’t even weigh up to that (saving the world, that is), but what the heck? We all have our own contributions, no matter how small. It doesn’t have to be towards “save the cheerleader, save the world” level. Now, I’m not talking about the hit American TV series Heroes here. Although I still have to catch an episode later. ;]

Seriously, though, this is a big decision for me and though I must admit I’ve taken time pondering on this, it’s only recently (just the past weekend) that the thought finally sank in. I am resigning… where am I going? You know, for once, I should stop pretending like this is the most natural thing in the world to do.

But as luck would have it (no, seriously, it’s too early to talk about luck right now), I have been given an offer to work at home and that means having more time for my baby. Ok, I have decided to take yet another crack at this something that I know to this day I'm still struggling on: programming/software development.

Hmm… you know what? Despite everything, things are as lovely as they already are. (Although at the back of my mind I want to go to Japan and experience the wonders of the place, as my dear friend Idel has been writing so interestingly about.)

Ideru, paanhaa nya ko ha. Really, I'm excited!!

Career Interest Report

Syve, your top career is

Fine Arts

Based on your responses to our Career Interest Inventory, we have an understanding of what types of career areas are right for you and why.

Professions in the fine arts typically involve evoking some kind of emotional response. Whether someone is into music, drama, or painting, they typically possess an heightened appreciation for experiencing the world on a sensory level. People in the fine arts usually enjoy looking at the world from a unique perspective and ultimately they want to share that vision with others. To many people, artists are our cultural ambassadors. That is, people involved in the fine arts are often creating solely for the purpose of connecting with other human beings in an individual way. Unfortunately, most people mistakenly assume that being involved in the fine arts equates to becoming a starving artist but this isn't always the case. Additionally, many people who have a deep admiration for the fine arts but do not define themselves as artists do in fact belong to the artistic community. For example, a lighting director is not a stage actor, but he/she gets to contribute an artistic vision. Part of the challenge to succeeding in the fine arts is to expand your definition of "artist."

A job is not just a job. It serves other needs that are important not to ignore. Don't forget to consider different aspects of your personality when thinking about your specific job interests. Below we've given you some ideas to keep in mind. Following this, the jobs that we've listed for you were personally picked for you with these needs in mind.

Although everyone would enjoy having some money, you want more than that. Whether you actually live in a lap of luxury isn't the point either. Rather, your desire to have certain comforts in life partly relates to your job interests. In addition to making money, jobs carry other benefits too. For example, you may not make as much money being an artist, but it carries a certain amount of prestige compared to other higher paying jobs. You want to have a job associated with having favorable qualities so that you make a good impression with others. A bit of recognition does not hurt either in your book. It's far better to work hard and receive some accolades then it is to work just as hard and not have others admire you for it. Given that this is the case, think about aiming for jobs that are seen as admirable by society at large. In your area, think about jobs that connote high creativity, nobility, or intelligence. Being around people is one of the perks of the job. You are social by nature and while some people see socializing as a waste of time, working with others increases your enthusiasm for what you do. The thought of sitting in front of your computer all day without interacting with people would be joyless to you. Maybe it's that you like bouncing ideas off of other people or you just like taking breaks with people. Whatever the case, make sure you look for jobs that allow you to work with others in some way. It would not only make you happy but also productive.

Reprinted from here.

“Tripping” Down Provincial Lane

Raj and I went home (to Dipolog and Sindangan, Zamboanga del Norte) to visit his grandparents on both sides. The trip should have lasted for 3 days but some inconveniences presented themselves and we ended up staying there for 5 days. And since we didn’t have much of a choice (Cebu Pacific doesn’t have a direct flight to Dapitan), we took the trip the traditional way –– by ship.

And to say the least, it’s one of the most inconvenient travels I’ve had on the way back. I love going to places but I’m not so fond of “tripping” (while taking the trip, that is) due to motion sickness. Plus, having a baby on travel (four months at that) is more hassle than pleasure. Haha! Of course, as a mother, I’m not supposed to say that. To tame that statement, anyway, I’ll just say it doesn’t delight one to see her son being inconvenienced when she herself is having the queasy feeling inside.

I was texting Karl all the time of our plight but he is just not one to drop everything to rescue you. Paet. Dili sya kalupad or kalangoy just to be where we are. Besides, I insisted on going home on such a short notice after a nagging request from my side of the family.

But on the other hand, here are some good reasons why you should visit your kid’s lolos and lolas as often as you can:

1. Grannies know better than mother’s best.
2. Seeing the smiles on their (grannies’) faces is priceless. They’re more excited to see their apo than parents are.
3. Nothing can be cuter than lolo-apo or lola-apo tandem.

4. Parents, especially first time ones, commit the mistake of handling the baby in an awkward manner.
5. Isn’t it an established fact that grannies spoil apos more than parents do of their kids?
6. Your kid will love the fresh air back at grandparents’ hometown.
7. They (the whole family) just looove your baby! And it’s nourishment to both parents and baby’s souls.
8. An arrival of apo in the family tends to elicit fuller and more meaningful relationships between parents and grandparents.
9. You can take a night or nights off without worrying whether the baby is in good hands.
10. They’re family, and that makes it the most natural thing to do.

Azir (that's what he's called by my side of the family) and his Tita... pure delight!

Sisters.. missing you always!