Random Question One

I have this idea of getting people’s insights or answers about a random question. For now, I have my friends and husband as the initial respondents. Hopefully, there would be more as I try to be bolder in asking questions such as this to strangers a la reporter.

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Question: Why do you have to leave? (First of n Parts)

I have to leave because I want to make a new beginning. –– sha, technical writer

Because staying won't do you any good anymore. –– Guile, indie musician

Better opportunities for growth... I felt I have given my contribution and it's time to move on. –– fritzie, full-time fashionista

Coz i need to move on... –– GiN, HR - Employee Engagement Assistant, Accenture

I left because I'm off to something not here. –– iescarro

"I have to leave in order to survive." –– senshi

Direct to the point... money... dako sweldo diri (japan) –– ForrestGump

Because I’m no longer happy. –– smooth escape

Kay sick. Sayang ang sick leave dili ma convert. –– anonymous

Mu-leave ko kay feeling nako wa nako gi-value... so balhin nalang ko kung asa ko i-value. –– martha

I have to leave because I'm not happy anymore and I don't find it healthy for me. I don't want to work with you anymore and I feel that I should be doing other things than this. It's time to think of myself this time, my dreams, my future. –– brewed

Leave for me is a time where I can relax and spend time with my family. –– Reginald

First and foremost, it’s the pursuit of happiness. And to heed the call for adventure and growth. –– anonymous

(job) = greener pasture; (place) = unsafe; (relationship) = doesn't work out; (game) = tired/sleepy -- Mark

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So there! I could have waited for more answers from other friends but I was so eager to publish this post. To those who replied, thank you for your time. More to come of this sort.

Want to reply to this question? Please email me at syvesuma@gmail.com so I could publish your answers next time. Thank you.

Have I gone what???

Part 1

I don’t remember how it started.

It got worse when he didn’t insist to take me back to the hospital room. Just as I would not stress my need for company, so neither would I care about how important it is for him to leave.

So I took the elevator by myself and stepped out hoping for things to get better, as they always did. I just guessed it would take time for me to stabilize. And I was trying to convince myself that maybe it was good riddance for the moment.

Until I was growing aware of someone’s “stare”. Scary, was the first thing that came to my mind. I looked back and was surprised to see that it was that person from the psychiatric ward. Er, what was he doing here trailing me? That gave me the creeps, as I took hurried steps.

No, my mind was not playing a trick on me. I swear I know where he came from ‘cause I’ve been in the room once –– no, not as a patient in the same category. But still I couldn’t bring myself to believe that it could get worse.

So much for positive thoughts.

Because I moved further and found myself in a company of a whole bunch of familiar faces –– all from the same ward. Huwaahhh!!! Have I gone MAD??? Have I become one of them without me realizing what happened?

Dazed, I screamed in terror.

Part 2

A woman came up and assured me that I was just in the wrong floor of the hospital building. Later, I recognized her from the room next door.

She was kind enough to take me to where I should be –– for women who had babies. I came around glad to see my parents, who were waiting for my return all along.

Now… what was that???

I woke up with that exact question in mind.

New Look!

Hey! Check this out.

Thank you to my sponsors: Bourjois for my eyeshadow, marcara, lip gloss and blush on; to Orange Blossom for my headwear; Blue Nile for my necklace; Nordstrom for my earrings. Haha!! Lastly, thank you to MakeoverSolutions.com for whipping up a new look for me.

Wow, there's nothing like a virtual makeover.

My Market Research

I am currently expanding my interest in business (particularly low-capital ventures). The following are some of the business insights I got from my online research.

There has been a significant growth for non-grocery retailers in the country, particularly health and beauty retailers and clothing and footwear retailers. This can be accounted to the increasing consumer sophistication (the growing number of urban middle class), and the growing number of shopping malls.

However, cheaper products from China, Korea and Hong Kong among others prove to be major competitors of the local brands. Not to mention the ever-popular Ukay-ukay.

“With most Filipinos still belonging to lower- to middle-income groups, their low disposable income renders them to still focus their spending on daily necessary items, classified under grocery products. Nevertheless, the rise of non-grocery retailers continued in 2005, although still not strongly enough to unseat the dominance of grocery retailers.” (Source here).

Fast food still leads in consumer foodservice. Of course, Jollibee Foods Corp. immediately comes to mind. We can also notice the growing number of cafés/bars. Still the continued development of shopping malls contributes to the growth of these establishments.

The large population, which is concentrated in the urban areas (specifically Manila, Cebu, Davao, Cagayan de Oro) and the intense economic activity provide franchising opportunities in both food and non-food sectors.

Meanwhile, the Internet has provided numerous business opportunities for local entrepreneurs in the Philippines. As of 2004, Internet users in the country reached 7,820,000, according to Computer Industry Almanac. The wide range of businesses and entrepreneurs are able to generate new revenues and build customer networks through online services.

The telecommunications industry proves to be a very promising sector, particularly the cellular mobile telecom services (CMTS). This is again owing to the country’s rapidly expanding middle class. According to an online source, in 2004, the total number of CMTS subscribers reached 34% or over 30.2 million.

On the agriculture sector, where the Philippine economy is largely based, the stable food crops are rice, corn, and kamote (sweet potatoes). Other key crops include coconuts, fruits and vegetables, sugar, tobacco, and abaca.

(Reposted from my Friendster blog)

Three Tres Test 2 (others repeated)

three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. photographer
2. interior/landscape designer
3. bum :P

three celeb crushes:
1. kristen kreuk (hmm… if I’m going to have a baby girl... :P)
2. hugh grant (more of the sense of hugh-mor)
3. jennifer aniston, rhian ramos, keira knightly (fab figures and beautiful faces)
three plus: I love luke mably in the movie the prince & me 1 (don’t know in other movies)

three of your favorite musical artists:
1. the beatles (most people tell me they’re great but I grew up not knowing them as a band)
2. mariah carey
3. I am so into music, so can’t have just a few favorites.

three of your favorite songs:
1. even the type changes to agree with my prevailing psychological state
2. anything for my baby’s listening pleasure
3. I am so into music, so can’t have just a few favorites.

three places you want to go on vacation:
1. japan
2. overnight at a beautiful beach anywhere in the Philippines
3. hmmm…

the perfect weekend getaway:

1. overnight at the beach

2. enjoying massages at the spa

3. a trip to beautiful places I’ve never been to

a lot more!!!

Rants Are Us: DDIIFFAA

Don’t look at me as if you don’t recognize my value; it makes me appreciate myself less.

Don’t flatter me with your interest if you cannot stand up for me all the way.

I am impatient.

I am disillusioned, indecent. Take my cue.

Feed my soul.

Fire me up.

Alas, I am pretty but pretty tense.

And I am still waiting round the bend.

Hello?!

Hello! If you’re looking for someone who can say though he/she is not entirely content but HAPPY nevertheless (very happy, indeed), count me in.

I credit a lot of this feeling to my husband with whom I create a relationship of such quality. I’m not saying you should start your own family and have a baby because that, too, is something that you can plan but not make happen all by yourself.

It all boils down to how we uphold life’s beauties while being bound by our duties.

I appreciate whoever coined this: “Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect. It just means you’ve decided to see life beyond the imperfections. So don’t say you’re happy ‘cause everything’s alright. Be happy ‘cause everything sucks but you’re doing fine!!!”

My Raj...

Nice Article: Action is the antidote to fear

Have you ever noticed how much bigger our fears often are than reality? They take on monstrous proportions, keeping us stuck in place when we really want to be moving forward. Then when we finally start taking steps towards whatever it is we fear we say, "Oh, that wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought. Why didn't I do that sooner?!"

In my article in Worthwhile magazine, The F Word, one of the things I talk about as an antidote to fear is action. It never ceases to amaze me how starting to take steps towards something is like letting the air out of a big fear balloon (complete with ppphhhhhtt sound effects - but maybe that's just in my head).

So much of fear's energy comes when you're in stasis. When you're sitting there and staring at the thing you fear, the energy behind that fear builds and builds. It's like a pressure cooker - the pressure builds and builds. When you start taking steps you create a release valve for that fear.

Some of that release comes by equalizing the pressure inside and out. The intensity of the fear was never in line with reality. Part of it comes because taking action and seeing success - even in small steps - builds your confidence to do even more. And part of it comes because taking steps brings you further down the path. What was unknown becomes known.

So what step can you take today? And then tomorrow? And then next week?

Article reposted from here.

Today's Scope: September 4, 2007

Your mind should be working overtime today, dear Leo, as new information and new ideas come to you thick and fast. You might want to use what you're learning in projects of your own, perhaps writing or painting. You might also want to spend some time telling stories to children. Opportunities to participate in exciting new enterprises could provide possibilities for advancement and for an increase in your income. Make the most of it all!

La lang. :)

Three Tres Test

Got this idea from Bianca’s blog.

three names you go by:
1. syve
2. ves (my nickname back at hometown)
3. syvs/syves/syvz

three screen names you have had (ok, I’d prefer three names I used when I was working as a call center agent):
1. monica (my fave character in Friends)
2. jamie (inspired by mandy’s character in A Walk to Remember)
3. forgot the rest

three physical things you like about yourself:
1. lips
2. eyes
3. nose
three plus: body-build – with height and weight in just-right proportions

three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. feet
2. legs
3. skin type (no big deal actually; i’m not that vain.)

three parts of your heritage:
1. filipino
2. indonesian
3. indian (aha!)

three things that scare you:
1. losing my loved ones
2. my loved ones being wrongfully or legally accused
3. being helpless or dying when I still have obligations to fulfill (a moment of drama)

three of your everyday essentials:
1. computer (for its multiple functionality)
2. anti-stress vitamins (need one coz I have multiple duties now)
3. cellphone (for obvious practical reasons)

three things you want in a relationship:
1. high respect for family and commitment
2. genuine affection
3. openness to try new things together (wholesome ni ha!)

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. eyes
2. nose
3. height (at least taller than me)
three plus: voice (not in the physical category, though)

three of your favorite hobbies:
1. grocery shopping
2. writing (once I’m into it)
3. videoke (hehehe)

three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. my bath times take long.
2. i like wearing my hair pretty.
3. i cry easily when I feel slighted by my loved ones. (unsaon, spoiled!)
three plus: I want to rekindle the “kilig factor” in a relationship time and again.

three things you want to do really badly now:
1. work in a bigger company
2. get better pay
3. be inspired again at work

three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. songwriter
2. singer-actress (and the big bucks – I wish!)
3. pre-school teacher

three celeb crushes:
1. there was a time that I really liked Val Kilmer.. haven’t seen him in quite a while
2. matt damon (caught by the Bourne bug)
3. anne curtis, angel locsin (killer bodies! haha!!)

(to be continued)

THESE THINGS I LEARNED First Part

These things I learned/noticed/observed firsthand in my journey into motherhood:

1. I didn’t know labor and delivery could be insanely painful. Dili jud lalim!

Of course it didn’t help that my doctor said I had a “slight” hemorrhoids (medical people, forgive my description if there is nothing as such). Lami man gud ng hot and spicy oi!

2. One cannot accurately predict the baby’s gender based on general physical appearance.

Everyone was saying I was having a girl, even Karl did. The second ultrasound report didn’t tell the baby’s gender. Only my sister and I wanted to go against common conception, out of ardent desire for a male in our family besides my father.

That desire was buried deep into my subconscious that I dreamed of delivering a baby boy thrice! But I wasn’t about to make any firm statement or lay a wager on it. I was afraid that my mother’s instinct would be wrong (Oh, how many times didn’t I listen to it!).

So when a boy finally forced his way out of me after what felt like a struggle of eternity, it felt surreal that I just stared at the baby – no emotions at all. (But then again, how can one register an emotion when she is too weak and at some point, felt like about to die?)

No, I don’t think labor pains take some getting used to.

3. Breasts are for breastfeeding, regardless of size.

Breastfeeding can be initially sore and painful (believe me, I’ve shed some tears on this!) but at the same time, refusal to nurse your baby could send your body temperature at a feverish pitch.

4. It’s normal for infants to respond to the slightest sound or movement.

I swear, this one can be truly amusing! One of the peculiar joys of a mother (and to onlookers).

We didn't have younger ones in the family, never even carried a baby in my arms before for more than 3 minutes!

Well, well… so much to learn. Until next time!

Aziraj Kent (Raj)

What's Your Guess?

Did the feeling of disappointment come bubbling up to the surface when I learned that my second ultrasound report fail to reveal my baby’s gender? Well, honestly, I didn’t expect to know before that. (Not that I didn’t want to know altogether.)

I am probably experiencing a hormonal change of tune right now, or whatever this is that has become typical of me these days. A week ago I was trying to sort myself out of depression, which was halted when my husband’s family came over for a double family celebration.

And now since they’ve left, it kind of left me largely cold and deserted. So here goes my reliving depressing thoughts and wanting to go home. But where is home for me now? Is it not my new family? Have I been all by myself for a long time that I've gotten so used to this?

Or maybe this persists because of my refusal to acknowledge that we all go through this feeling. Hopefully, putting it into writing makes it eventually disappear. Apparently, I’ve had a few self-absorbed moments too many. Much of what I learned from my mistakes in the past still need to lend themselves well as I continue to try to thrust myself out of the comfortable and familiar.

I’m still very much out of vogue.

And with this train of thoughts, I may not be able to stand not seeing Karl even for just a day – him being a real source of inspiration. I know sometimes I’ve got to focus on my top priorities to keep myself happy and grounded.

Break

Concentration may not come easily to me right now, but I want to write down things as honestly as I need to be, while navigating through windows on my PC. Some petty things make me sad – even depressed these days. It’s something past the hormones.

Very recently, I learned about something that failed to register as it should. A serious lack of compassion – yup, sometimes I am capable of exhibiting just that. I’ve acquired a mechanism to shield myself from hurt and damaging stuff even as a child, hence my failure to respond effectively to interpersonal matters on occasions. But still that qualifies me for atypical sentimentality.

Maybe it’s the variety of songs that I’m currently playing. Now I’m back to my starting point. Off I go.

You Rock My World

It’s been days that I’m having the serious condition of discomfort, particularly in my belly – that aside from the fact that the baby has grown heavier each day. It has been taking time to leave the house while constantly trying to assess my body’s condition, if I can make it to travel and through work until 6 pm.

Thank God my sister has come to the rescue, bringing someone along who would take care of my needs. As usual, she has been my Knight in Shining Armour. I have been sick for more than two weeks, mostly caused by the growing unease of my delicate state. I’m having difficulty even in sleep. And now, despite everything, I’m so thankful and happy that I can finally relax at home and that we (my baby and I) are gaining more strength.

Sometimes, I’m really scared of what’s happening to me and my body. It’s treading unfamiliar grounds and it’s definitely something outside my comfort zone. Sometimes the fear prevents me from seeing things with the proper perspective, from celebrating the joys of pregnancy. But I’ve never been the one to be resigned to the idea that life is difficult just because I am having momentary difficulties.

Whereas nature intended to spoil pregnant women and babies, I’m far from the ideal weight – yup, my baby needs help because Mama is not that well. But still, everything’s gonna be alright. Rock ta bai!

Appreciative

When I initially tried to write this, I was so sleepy without cure that I ended up doing nothing at all that’s work-related. Two days later, I’m still as disorganized. Sometimes doing my weekday routine of waking up early to feed our appetites (mine and my baby’s) though I slept late the night before makes me exhausted. But for a change, it’s about doing something that’s way beyond oneself. I’ve always loved opportunities of those kinds.

I think of those people who take their jobs to heart so much against those who rarely feel responsible, much less commit, to their works. Sometimes I find myself falling somewhere in between. But I’m keeping track of that aspect of my life.

Lately, I’ve grown more interested in the things that are practical. Things that are involving less of the emotions and more of the real exchange of value between two people – especially that of husband and wife and of mother and child. Yup, being married changes a lot of things.

Surprises have come my way in various ways. Our month-old marriage continues to unveil wonders of beauty and duty. I must say I did not read and know much about all these; I do things as I feel. I may be playing it safe in other domains (for one, the social sphere) most of the time, but we all have our own ways of making a mark in this world.

To quote a few of the lines from one of my favorite classics:
* You will be beautiful or ugly, wise or ignorant, fortunate or unfortunate, according to what use you make of yourself here and now.
* Some harvests are longer in growing than others, but they all grow in time.

Spent Too Much Time Thinking of You - December 28, 2006

to Karl's side are my parents.. to my side are his..

Celeb look-alikes

Faint

Since I’m having my usual nausea while at the office (some places to be can be a lot worse), I’ve decided to write since I can’t concentrate on my task. Frequent evening sickness (and occasionally in the morning like today) define me these days. I already lost 2 lbs since I’ve had this baby. It’s been 11 weeks and 3 days now.

What makes things more difficult is that we still have yet to settle our living arrangements (simply because other things come first) and the first trimester is the most difficult stage in pregnancy. So mostly, I’ve been going through all these by myself. Sometimes I just cry of laborious effort and I always pray to get home safe.

I almost fainted once while walking in a crowded place since I missed the scheduled time for dinner. Clearly one of those moments that I consider miraculous such that I survived unscathed.

I’ve had fever, severe colds and slight cough. Sometimes I miss the daily milk intake since I’m too weak to even prepare the drink. Occasionally, I sleep with nothing in my tummy but a prayer that my baby will still be okay.

But we are holding on.

Everyday, I long to seek refuge to my parents’ home. Where we can walk our doggies, Phoebs and Barney, to the beach. Where we can eat everything I crave for – all natural and fresh. Where we can enjoy serenity at its best: me, my baby, and Karl.

Hang in there, my love. Hapit na bakasyon!!!

My First Tribute

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” Writer Anais Nin

I guess that makes me courageous enough to conceive.

Indeed, this is a moment of inspiration unlike any other.

Little did I know that last Saturday would make me a witness to compassion, giving and receiving. Who among the mothers wouldn’t dramatize the joy and pain of seeing a trace of the fetus for the first time via Ultrasound – so little and so fragile? So helpless but holding on. So alive yet making her way silently and uncomplainingly so.

Wasn’t I such a selfish Mama? The image of life I’ve seen became so glued in my mind for a while that those 7 weeks that I missed him/her out brought me to uncontrollable tears… :(

Indeed, some very big changes are happening in my life.

This early, it might be selfish for me to make claims on the life of this little being but I render myself completely to the union.

And I cry out of joy.

This is the great adventure I have envisioned and now it has begun to take shape.

Karl has never failed to show tender affection and support. I have great people for family and friends who are truly well-wishers; I am so blessed.

Thank you, dear God for the wonderful gift of life!

Something Close...

For another rare instance, I’ve actually sat down to write with a general conscious awareness of something way beyond myself for a personal space in the web.

Earlier, a friend informed me of an armed conflict going on in Zamboanga and that triggered me to search an online news website. (Only to find out later that it was meant to be a joke… Boom ta rat ta rat!)

Anyway, what caught my eye was this story written on June 14, 2006 at Inq7.net:
Zamboanga del Norte is RP’s poorest province. Sure, that hit me like a bullet. Because I came from that part of the world and my ancestors were the original settlers of the area and of the neighboring towns/provinces.

The Subanen

It was the Subanen folks who named many of the barangays, municipalities and cities of Zamboanga del Norte (Sindangan got its name when a Subanen fisherman thought he was being asked by a Guardia Civil of the kind of fish he caught; a barangay in Sindangan is named after my late grandfather, Datu Tangkilan Andus; Dipolog came from Dipag, which means river in the Subanen dialect, etc.).

The Subanen dialect, to my father’s rough estimate, is being spoken to date by 120-150,000 residents in Mindanao particularly in Zamboanga del Norte, Zamboanga del Sur and Misamis Occidental.

Poverty line

So how is the poverty line assessed? It is obtained by the calculation of the cost of basic food and non-food requirements by the National Statistical Coordination Board (NSCB).

The Food and Nutrition Research Institute (FNRI) sets the basic nutritional requirements (food/subsistence threshold). NSCB computes the minimum cost of the food items needed to satisfy this threshold, which is computed separately for every province within the region, to take into account the differences in food prices.

On the other hand, using the data gathered from the Family Income and Expenditures Survey (FIES), the minimum non-food budget items are determined through the non-food expenditure patterns of households lying within the 10-percent range around the provincial food threshold. (Source here.

Poverty Encounter

Although Zamboanga del Norte, like the rest of the provinces in the Philippines, has achieved high level of literacy in English (and Filipino), that doesn't speak much of the real condition of the province in relation to poverty.

My parents – my mother from the Subanen royal lineage, and my father of Subanen and Muslim ancestry, came face-to-face with poverty while working as public school teachers in the highlands of Zamboanga del Norte.

People in these areas rely heavily on corn, coconut, rice crop, vegetables, cassava, fruits and any soil product for subsistence. Most of the able residents cultivate the land from morning till sun-down in anticipation of a good yield (my cousin comes to work even before the sun comes up!). During those periods of non-harvest or when their crops are destroyed by storms (during which time their dreams wither with it), they come to the point of – not food shortage but, SCARCITY.

This is happening so often that my parents do not wonder when some kids are missing their classes or why it takes longer to teach these kids new knowledge. There was nothing else in their eyes except THE longing.

I immediately recall this from an email: Before you complain about the taste of your food, think of someone who has nothing to eat!

But my parents, being native speakers of the Subanen dialect, have endeared themselves to them as I stand witness to all their hard works just to see these children through the school years, even acquiring new school buildings on their behalf.

Every so often, my sister and I find ourselves recognized as the daughters of The Exemplary Teachers. They have lived their lives to make a difference, professionally and beyond.

My Blood line

My relatives of father’s side come down from the highlands (mulugsong in Visayan) on fiestas or after harvest times (corn, coconut, etc) and, what’s ironic is sometimes they spend largely of what they earned on liquors and women (on bars). FYI, like Muslims, Subanen men are allowed to take more than one wife.

My mother used to resent our frequent visitors coming in different batches and spending nights out having a good time and expecting the door to be opened for them when they come home late. And not to mention my father lending his income to accommodate an entire clan. (That’s as far as I can remember.)

But my mother’s side of the family has the worse story to tell. And all that began after the great Datu Tangkilan passed away, leaving his sons and daughters from six wives to impose order upon themselves and, in effect, preserve and enrich the Subanen culture.

Critical Areas

I can’t speak much, however, about the rest of the towns of Zamboanga del Norte. Four towns have been considered critical areas, the Triple S-B area: Sibuco, Siocon, Sirawai and Baliguian. These have remained a battlefield between the military and the Moro guerrillas over the years.

Conclusion

Even without prior intention, when I re-read my horoscope (FYI, I’ve subscribed because I like to read about good stuffs everyday), it says: Look at the collective picture, and open your eyes to the world around you. Get involved on a community level.